You gotta know when to hold 'em.

While sitting down to a gourmet left-over Thanksgiving dinner, we were being entertained by a story about a certain little girl who'd gotten a spanking earlier that day. This adorable certain little girl was alternately sitting with us at the end of the table enjoying the feast and running over to the piano to practice one side of Heart & Soul. Nobody seemed to flinch that her father's story included a minor beating and yet I remember the time I publicly mentioned I thought spanking a child was a good idea and I think I saw people pulling out their cell phones and dialing CPS. I don't even have a kid.

I was spanked when I was small and so was most of my friends. My cousin got smacks on the face and I know some folks who got their hair pulled and THE BELT. I don't in any way condone child abuse but I've witnessed that a smack on a young butt seems to instantly get a kid to focus instead of turning down the volume on Mary Poppins to explain the dangerous consequences of bolting into traffic. I don't think young minds comprehend the notion of consequences, much less 'danger'.

But again. I don't have kids. I have a dog. That I pat on the butt when he pees on the floor. And he still pees on the floor.

I guess I just think kids should be a little afraid of their parents. Just a little. Just enough to learn things to rebel against so they can learn even more things about themselves and the kind of person they want to be.

Britney Spears needed more spankings. Not the MTV kind. Her over-bearing father should have let her find her way after she shaved her head rather than institutionalizing her and telling people she was mentally ill.

Not only is she ridiculously famous and has had to deal with all that comes with that job...this young woman has had two children with a boy who didn't seem interested in her evolution...and then he left her and tried to take her kids away. The world watched her slide into implosion and self destruction so massive America's sweetheart of pop repeatedly showed all of us her car accidents, her crotch and her middle finger. On purpose.

Pick up the current Rolling Stone and really stare at her spread. There is nothing behind those eyes in any of those photos that suggest everything she has been through has changed her. She is right back where she started. Same blonde locks...only they're extensions...same sexy clothes...only she looks a little too old for them.

I'm sad for her. I know I'm not alone. But there was some little part of me that was rooting for her when she starting flipping off cameras. I realize self destruction is not exactly pleasant for anyone to go through let alone witness happen to a child star, but it seems like that is the M. O. for now and if the people in charge of those little fame factories don't stop over-parenting how can a person fully develop? Let her make her own choices and stop calling them mistakes. Let her pick herself up for once. She doesn't seem very smart but no one is letting her learn anything.

Why is it a "good thing" she is exactly where she was before? Her new album is atrociously empty and downright pathetic. Just like before. I saw the music video to her 'Womanizer' song and my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe the sad irony of her own expression. She is confidently singing about calling out a supposedly well-hidden womanizer while she gives him a lap dance. In an office. Don't get me started.

This is the most famous pop artist we celebrate? What in the world are we celebrating? What is she famous for? Good PR?

Come on Britney. I really really want you to make it. And I don't even like your music. Change the definition of what it means to be...well...you. Teach yourself and everyone who watches you that an ignorant little girl with good looks can do something...else.

But, I don't have a famous kid. I don't really even know anyone famous. Which is probably why I will beat my child and let her shave her head. MENSA will be calling.