Guts

A very good friend of mine mentioned to me today that he noticed how funny it was that I was so happy and he was so happy these days and yet we both are flat broke. Of course, he mentioned this over our lunch. I had an $8 bowl of soup. I hope I looked good eating it.

My brother is moving back to Dallas this weekend. We plan on hanging out all day this Friday (My company has the day off...one more time...how much do I love my job?...). The plan is to start the day with a little color and cut. Apparently I'm going brunette. My head is often my brother's canvas. And then...well...not sure what else we can do but sit around and talk and then get ready to go out so he can say goodbye to all his fans at the boy bars. It will take us at least a couple of hours to get in full drag. I mean me.

When someone arrives somewhere you usually show them around. What do you do when they leave? I've been his foundation here but that is about it. I wasn't his tour-guide, I didn't go bar-hopping with him (much) while he was here, I didn't hang out at his friends' apartments or at his salons. He had his life here just as I have mine.

I'm so proud of him for that. I think it is hard to be alone in NYC when you are used to never being alone. But NYC is probably the best place to be alone. No one expects you to entertain them. Unless you are all painted in silver and standing really really still on a silver cardboard box.

I used to think about love in a logical way. Someone does something nice for you, you do something nice for them. Until one day you want to hug them, hang out with them, buy them stuff, maybe even sleep with them and share pets. Now, I can't explain my love for certain people. I met Greg, we talked about a movie and even though he hadn't done anything nice for me (yet) I was already falling in love. I wasn't even sure he liked girls. He wasn't even sure I was from this planet.

I've asked people before why they love me. I've been asked that before as well. And in the movies people say, "your dimples, the way you laugh, how cute you are when you get grumpy...your eyes, hair, soul...desires, passions..." Tangible stuff. The people in my life that I say I love you to...well...now-a-days...I can't really explain 'why', I just do. Because you are you. I haven't a clue why I have an urge to hold you or hug you, touch you or take care of you...look in your eyes and make you want to feel good. But that is what I want to do and it is because something about you makes me love you.

I love my little dog and he doesn't necessarily do nice things for me...he can't even keep from poking himself in the eye when he scratches his ear with his hind leg.

DaDa

Just had lunch. Had the pink thing. I knew it would be good but come on...I'm going to turn into a pink blob since discovering the sacred Mochi.


Today is a little boring. Not in a bad way. I guess I shouldn't use the word 'boring'. I meant to say, 'quiet' or 'creatively challenging'. I'm thinking about new hair color. I just had my hair done last Thursday.


I've been sketching again and I am having such a great time doing it. I've discovered that I enjoy it not because of the outcome but because of the process. Whoa. That is a new one for me. Aries and all. I'm easily distracted by shiny things. I mean glittery things. Diamonds. Tiaras. Stars. Shooting Stars. Jupiter. The milky-way. Chocolate. Puppies. Ribs. Feet. Prada. Vanilla. Beans. David Lynch. Ebay...


Thank the Lord for Google.


In the late 90's (can't believe I just typed that) I was a Mary Kay lady (that too). I thought this company was the greatest thing since, well, concealor. I still think about that job everyday. I learned a lot about myself.


It is a big deal to go for something and accomplish it...and at the same time, all you have to do is make up your mind to go for something and do it. Chosing a career, chosing toothpaste. Both choices...technically typing...


When someone makes a choice, and things don't go as planned...outside forces and all...then what?


I think most of my life I've changed the plans before someone could change them for me. I think I never wanted to know what it felt like to commit to something (someone?) and have IT not go as I planned.


That must be what I mean by 'boring'. I'm letting go AND making choices.

Scary. Berry. Fairy. Wings. Bells. Christmas. Jesus. Mary. Salvador Dali. Washington D.C....